Loving Kindness and the side effects of hate

alt="loving kindness and side effects of hatred illustrated by rippling water'
Loving Kindness or side effects of hate

Hatred feels like such a strong emotion, but it leaves you weakened. Loving kindness might be the answer.

A couple of years ago my friend Kate and I went to see a healer guy in Barcelona. I asked him about how to deal with feeling hate and he showed us the most amazing thing.

He took me outside the room (so Kate didn’t know what we were doing) and asked me to think negative thoughts about her. When we went back in, he asked me to push Kate. With a firm push from me and Kate stumbled backwards and she could do the same to me. This is what hatred does to you he said. ‘How do I not get weakened by hatred then?’ He took me outside again and asked me to send loving thoughts to Kate. With the same push I didn’t move. Nor did Kate. Not only did hating weaken the person I was sending the thoughts to, but it weakened me too. And the antidote was to send love. Continue reading

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Life is speeding by

 

alt=life speeding by
Stop the world I want to get off.

Your life is passing too quickly. Time is going too fast. Every day seems to flash by in a whirr of things that have to be done and your To Do list doesn’t get shorter despite your best intentions.

It’s true that days, weeks, months and even years seem to go more quickly. It’s common across the generations. As a teenager I remember hearing uncles and aunts saying how fast life was going, and my grandparents telling them ‘just wait until you’re my age’.

It is not unusual

Apparently the reasons that we feel like this are because we are either distracted and don’t pay enough attention to each thing that we do, or we have to do things that cause us stress and anxiety and so we don’t concentrate on the time we are not doing them.

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Help! I’m so indecisive.

alt=indecision. I can't make up my mindWhat’s the word: Indecision, uncertainty, irresolution, vacillation, doubt?

You can’t make up your mind about something. Actually, you can’t make up your mind about anything. You just swap from one decision to the next. And back again! Everyone gets frustrated with you when you chop and change or hum and haw about what you are going to do or say but whatever you call it, being indecisive is worse for you than it is for the people around you who express their frustration with it.

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PMS pre-menstrual syndrome

alt=snarling lionness PMS pre-menstrual syndrome
Feeling Snarly

You feel snappy and mean. Your breasts are tender and your ankles are swollen. Chocolate is your only friend. Yes, you’ve got PMS again. You know that these last few days before your period are going to be a struggle. At least nowadays you recognise it for what it is and you no longer believe that the world has turned against you, but it still feels like it.

Most women get premenstrual syndrome at some time. But only between 10 – 20% get it to the degree that it blights their lives. PMS has been the cause of women leaving their jobs, falling out with friends and even ending relationships.

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I think I’m losing it

alt= losing it, confusionDo you ever get the feeling that you are losing it? ‘What did I come in here for?’  ‘I’ve lost my thread. What was I about to say?’ ‘Where are they? I know I put them here somewhere.’  Is this familiar? Does it sound like you? It sounds like a lot of my patients. It also sounds like me sometimes too on occasion. I know what that is like. I’ve missed planes (see Forgiveness), lost keys and very, very, very slowly, while looking the other way, driven my car into a post and written it off.

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Forgiveness – the hardest step

alt= forgiveness
The path to forgiveness

I know you find it hard to let go, forgive and move on. Me too. You find yourself thinking about people who’ve let you down or a time when you’ve felt attacked or someone’s hurt you. You go over and over what you could have said or what you should have done. The fact of the matter is that if you continue thinking about past for  years, it shows the energy is still alive inside you.

It’s really hard to forgive other people. But it’s even harder to forgive yourself.

Two years ago, I booked for Bev and I to go diving in Malta and we got to Stansted in plenty of time. That’s fortunate, I thought, because the queue was huge. Continue reading

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I think I drink too much

Too much wine alcohol
I think I drink too much

Do you sometimes think you drink too much. Or you wonder how much alcohol is too much alcohol. You can’t sleep well and you wake feeling creaky and stiff after getting up in the night to pee. Your digestion isn’t good and your eyes are dry. You have a sneaking idea that all these things are related to alcohol rather than to ageing or life in general.

Well, you are not alone. We are bombarded by TV programs and articles telling us that we have become binge drinkers and we can’t even congratulate ourselves that we have never been seen out in a drunken state because now we know that most alcohol is consumed in the home, not in the pub.

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Jealousy is eating me up

green heart jealousy
Jealous heart

So you get jealous, hurt and suspicious in your relationships? I know what that feels like. That feeling of being consumed by it when you can’t behave normally and you are ashamed to admit it to anyone. And the idea of speaking to someone only feels like it will weaken and cheapen you and make the problem more real. Continue reading

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