Forgiveness – the hardest step

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The path to forgiveness

I know you find it hard to let go, forgive and move on. Me too. You find yourself thinking about people who’ve let you down or a time when you’ve felt attacked or someone’s hurt you. You go over and over what you could have said or what you should have done. The fact of the matter is that if you continue thinking about past for  years, it shows the energy is still alive inside you.

It’s really hard to forgive other people. But it’s even harder to forgive yourself.

Two years ago, I booked for Bev and I to go diving in Malta and we got to Stansted in plenty of time. That’s fortunate, I thought, because the queue was huge. We stood in it and crept forward as the queue grew ever longer behind us. We inched our way to the front and the Ryanair staff were regularly coming round asking anyone for this or that flight come to the front of the queue. When we finally got there, the woman on the desk said ‘You are not in the right queue and your desk has just closed’. We’d missed the flight!

I was beside myself with fury because our flight hadn’t come up on the screen and we hadn’t known where to go. But I was mainly furious with me. What had I been thinking? Why had I just stood in a queue without asking? Why had I so confidently told Bev this was the right place to be?

Remembering this incident of missing the plane, even now, I find myself flushed with heat and wanting to cry at the memory of the fury I felt. I thought I had forgiven myself. Whenever I told anyone about it I was absolutely clear that it was my fault. (I only blamed Ryanair for an hour or so.)  But I can tell now that I still haven’t forgiven myself for it. I still need someone to blame. Even if it is me. Brené Brown has a hilarious video about it. Click here to watch it. 

Forgiveness is hard. Even in the Lord’s Prayer we ask God to help us do it and in that prayer there is an implicit bargain: you don’t get forgiveness until you forgive other people. And you have to keep working at it.

But forgiving yourself is harder than forgiving other people. You know everything that goes on inside your head so it is harder to accept yourself fully and not give way to the negative voices that fill our heads so much of the time.

However, forgiveness is vital because holding a debt of blame is draining and damaging. Not forgiving fully and not letting go is a seed that will grow into something far more damaging for your psyche and your health. Homeopathy can help you let go of past pains and grudges you are holding on to by helping you release the energy that belongs in the past so you can get on with today.

Forgiveness happens step by step

Make a promise to start and don’t beat yourself up because you haven’t succeeded.

Learn from what you did so you can reap whatever small benefit there is to be gained from it.

Love your life. Try and appreciate everything about it.

Apologise to people hurt in the incident and move on.

Remember, forgiveness is not a destination; it’s a process.

If you want to use homeopathy to get out of the tunnel of blame click here to make an appointment and start your walk to freedom.

I’d love to hear from you if you have you ever done anything you can’t forgive yourself for or have any pointers for letting go of the past?

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5 thoughts on “Forgiveness – the hardest step

  1. Will February 12, 2015 / 10:48 pm

    Janet–thanks for making such a difficult subject accessible. I’m curious to learn more about how homeopathy can provide support with difficult experiences.

    • janetco4 February 15, 2015 / 5:56 pm

      Homeopathy is a holistic practice with the premise that any dysfunction (mental, physical or emotional) is a reflection of a deeper, inner problem in the vital force. It is one of the healing arts that works directly on the vital force and allows healing to start on all levels. (Next week’s blog is about the vital or life force so you’ll get to read more then.)

      The other, more straightforward aspect of homeopathy working with difficult experiences is simply that there is time and space to lay out your life and take a look from a new perspective which is often quite healing in and of itself.

  2. Jo Hatcher February 14, 2015 / 11:19 am

    Janet,

    I can so relate this article and what a challenge it is to forgive yourself. It is the hardest thing of all! Thanks for the reminder of how important it is to let go and not beat yourself up.

  3. Meredith February 17, 2015 / 6:26 pm

    Thanks for this, Janet. I like the idea of forgiveness as a process, not a destination. I also didn’t realize homeopathy can help with blame. Good to know.

    • janetco4-ca February 18, 2015 / 9:42 pm

      I’ve been practising the process (and not the destination) all week. Homeopathy is brilliant and helping you undo the emotional knots like blame or grief.

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